You Are Not the Main Character: Stepping Out The Spotlight

Most of us would never claim to be the centre of the universe. It doesn’t take long to notice that an annoyingly large amount of it keeps failing to organise itself around our preferences.

The traffic is too slow. The coffee is too weak. The weather is too hot, or too cold. The sermon is too long. The worship is too loud or not loud enough. The person sitting in front of us has raised both hands and is now blocking the words on the screen (I think I’m often that guy for those sat behind me).

Even our prayers can sound as though God has been invited into our story as a supporting character. His role is to open doors, remove difficulties, improve our circumstances and help the plot reach the ending we had already chosen.

There is only one small problem…You are not the main character!

It’s Not About You

“I didn’t like the sermon.”

It’s not about you.

“The worship was terrible today.”

It’s not about you.

That may sound a little blunt, especially if the sermon really did include a seventeen-minute story about the preacher’s first car. Sometimes sermons are poorly prepared. Sometimes worship teams play the wrong chord with such confidence that everyone briefly questions what key the song was supposed to be in.

There is a proper place for honest and gracious feedback. “It’s not about you” should never be used by leaders to silence criticism, excuse laziness or dismiss someone who has genuinely been hurt.

However, have you considered that not liking something does not necessarily mean there was something wrong with it?

Perhaps the sermon was biblical, helpful and exactly what somebody else needed to hear. Perhaps the worship was not terrible. Perhaps it simply contained three songs you would not have chosen, played in a style you do not enjoy, at a speed that offended your strongly held theological views on appropriate drum tempos.

Our personal experience matters, but it is not the highest truth. Our preferences are real, but they are not the final measure of faithful worship.

Church is not a restaurant where we review the service. It is a family in which we bring something to the table.

Who Is the Audience?

I lead worship regularly. There was a time when I reached the end of worship feeling deeply discouraged because the congregation did not seem to be responding. People were quiet. Their faces were difficult to read. Nobody appeared to be having the dramatic encounter with God I had hoped for.

To be fair, some of them may simply have been too British.

But underneath my disappointment was an uncomfortable question. Who was I doing it for?

I was not leading worship so people would sing back in my direction. I was not doing it to create a particular emotional response in the room. I certainly was not doing it so people would find me afterwards and tell me how marvellous the worship had been (something I find deeply uncomfortable, but have learned to receive as encouragment).

My job was to worship God and to help others follow. The offering was for him.

I still feel encouraged when people clearly engage. It is wonderful to hear a congregation singing loudly and see people responding to God. But I no longer need their visible response to prove that the worship mattered. If I have brought a sincere offering to God, whether it felt joyful or costly, then it had value because he is worthy.

The Psalms repeatedly call us to praise God because of who he is:

“Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise.”
Psalm 145:3

His worth does not rise and fall with our mood. Worship is not good because I enjoyed it. Worship is good because God is good.

When Discipleship Becomes Self-Improvement

Self-centred Christianity rarely announces itself by marching into church wearing a sash that says, “This is all about me.”

It is usually more subtle.

How can I discover my calling? How can I fulfil my potential? How can I receive my breakthrough? How can I become the person God created me to be?

None of those questions is automatically wrong. God cares about our growth, our gifts and the work he has prepared for us. The problem comes when Christianity slowly becomes a theraputic process in which Jesus helps me become a happier, more successful and slightly more impressive version of myself.

Jesus is still involved, of course. He has simply been reassigned as my life coach, emotional support and supernatural door-opening service.

But Jesus did not call us to centre ourselves more successfully. He said:

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”
Matthew 16:24

Self-denial does not mean believing that we are worthless. It means surrendering our claim to be in charge. We stop asking Jesus to follow our plans and begin following him.

Timothy Keller describes this beautifully in The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, a short book I highly recommend. He writes:

“The essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.”

That is not self-hatred. It is freedom from endlessly monitoring ourselves. Am I being noticed? Am I being appreciated? Am I getting enough from this?  What is my role in church? Does everyone understand how difficult this is for me?

Humility allows us to stop staring into the mirror long enough to see Jesus and the people around us.

Bible Study Is Not Group Therapy with a Verse Attached

This self-focus can also appear in Christian community.

Bible studies should be places where we bring our real lives to Scripture and sit under its authority. We should be honest about our struggles, pray for one another and carry each other through difficult seasons. The Bible tells us to “carry each other’s burdens” in Galatians 6:2.

But a Bible study can slowly become a personal therapy session where Scripture waits patiently in the corner while one person talks about themselves for forty minutes.

There is a difference between receiving needed support and repeatedly making the community responsible for our faith. Other believers can encourage us, pray for us and walk alongside us. They cannot follow Jesus for us.

Interestingly, only a few verses after telling us to carry one another’s burdens, Paul says:

“Each one should carry their own load.”
Galatians 6:5

These truths belong together. Some burdens are too heavy to carry alone. At the same time, every believer must take responsibility for their own walk with God.

Knowing which response someone needs requires wisdom. Mature believers should always lean towards grace, but grace is not the absence of challenge. Sometimes love sits beside someone and helps carry the weight. Sometimes love gently says, “We will support you, but this is a step you need to take.”

You Are Still a Character

Realising that you aren’t the main character does not mean you are an unnamed extra wandering through the background.

In your own life of faith, you are absolutely a main character. Your decisions matter. Your suffering matters. Your calling matters. God knows you personally and loves you completely. Jesus said that even the hairs on your head are numbered, although for some of us that particular piece of divine administration is becoming less demanding.  

Your human experience should not be denied. Your feelings are real. Your needs deserve care. Your joys should be celebrated and your pain should be taken seriously.

But they are not the highest truth or priority.

You are a main character in your life of faith, but you are not the main character of the faith. That place belongs to, and can only belong, to Jesus.

“All things have been created through him and for him.”
Colossians 1:16

Jesus has not entered our story to help us reach the ending we imagined. By grace, we have been welcomed into his story.

John the Baptist understood this. People were leaving him and going to Jesus. His platform was shrinking. His influence appeared to be fading. Yet John did not panic, launch a new podcast or change his ministry name to John the Baptist International.

He simply said:

“He must become greater; I must become less.”
John 3:30

John knew that his significance was found in pointing to Jesus.

The Freedom of Leaving the Centre

Have you considered that some of your disappointment might come from expecting church, other Christians or even God to revolve around your experience?

Could worship become less frustrating if the first question was not, “Did I enjoy that?” but, “Did I bring an offering to God?”

Could Bible study become richer if we arrived ready to hear Scripture, rather than merely hoping everyone would hear us?

Could serving become more joyful if being noticed was a bonus rather than the payment?

This is not a call to pretend we have no feelings, needs or preferences. It is an invitation to put them in their proper place.

You matter enormously, but everything is not about you.

Jesus is the main character. He is the centre, the hero and the point of the whole story. When he takes his rightful place in our hearts and thinking, we do not become less human. We become more free.

Free to worship without reviewing the experience. Free to serve without demanding applause. Free to receive support without making others responsible for our faith. Free to laugh at ourselves when the universe once again fails to consult us.

You are not the main character.

Thank God for that.