There are times when being a Christian feels amazing, and then there are the other times. You pray, and it feels like you're talking to the ceiling. You sit through worship on Sunday morning, but your heart isn't really in it. You open your Bible, read the same verse four times, and realise you've taken in absolutely nothing. You might as well have been reading the terms and conditions on your car insurance.
You still believe. You still love Jesus. But God feels distant. Perhaps you've even found yourself asking, "God, where are you?"
Well, before we go any further, let's establish something important. God's love for you isn't measured by how close you feel to Him. If you've put your faith in Jesus, your relationship with God rests on what Christ has accomplished, not how well you've performed as a Christian this week. Romans 8:38–39 reminds us that nothing in all creation can separate us from God's love in Christ Jesus.
Think about the difference between a beautiful summer's day and a cold, wet, miserable Tuesday in February. On one, you're sitting outside enjoying the sunshine. On the other, you're soaked to the bone, freezing cold and questioning why anyone voluntarily lives in Britain. But the sun hasn't gone anywhere. It's still there, shining away. The difference is what's come between you and its warmth.
Our relationship with God can feel a bit like that. His love hasn't disappeared, His promises haven't changed, and His faithfulness hasn't faltered. But something may be affecting our experience of His presence.
Sometimes that's simply the season of life we're walking through. Grief, exhaustion, depression and difficult circumstances can cast some pretty dark clouds. Even faithful people in Scripture experienced times when God seemed far away. Just read the Psalms. But sometimes, if we're honest, we've allowed other things to come between us and the ways God invites us to enjoy fellowship with Him.
God's grace doesn't disappear when our feelings do. We don't need to earn His love, but perhaps we should consider whether we've been neglecting the relationship He's invited us into. So here are ten questions worth asking ourselves. And before you get defensive, I'm asking myself these questions too.
1. Am I Actually Going to Church Regularly?
Not just when I'm on the rota, when I've got nothing better planned, or when the weather's too miserable for a day out. Am I genuinely committed to gathering with God's people?
Hebrews 10:24–25 tells us not to give up meeting together, but to encourage one another. Church isn't an optional extra for particularly enthusiastic Christians. It's part of God's design for our spiritual lives. Of course, illness, disability, work and caring responsibilities can make attendance difficult. But if church has slipped down our priorities simply because other things seem more appealing, perhaps that's worth examining.
2. Am I Serving in Church, or Just Attending?
Have I become a consumer of church? Do I turn up expecting good worship, an encouraging sermon, half-decent coffee and a warm welcome, without considering what I contribute?
Peter tells us to use whatever gifts we've received to serve others (1 Peter 4:10). Church was never meant to be something we simply attend. It's a family we belong to, and families work best when everyone gets involved. That doesn't necessarily mean joining another rota. Serving might mean praying with someone, offering hospitality, helping practically or noticing somebody who's struggling. But if church is entirely about what we're getting out of it, perhaps we've misunderstood what belonging means.
3. Am I Spending Time in Prayer?
And I don't just mean emergency prayers. "Lord, please help me find my keys." "Jesus, please let this meeting finish early." "Father, if you get me through this, I promise I'll never eat that much curry again."
There's nothing wrong with asking God for help. But prayer is also where we bring our worries, confess our struggles, give thanks and learn to trust our Father. Philippians 4:6 encourages us to bring everything to God in prayer. When was the last time you deliberately spent time praying, simply because you wanted to be with Him?
4. Am I Reading My Bible Regularly?
How can we expect to know God better if we're rarely opening the book He's given us to reveal Himself?
The Bible reveals God's character, His promises and His purposes, ultimately pointing us to Jesus. Paul reminds Timothy that Scripture teaches, corrects and trains us in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16–17). Sometimes Scripture comforts us. Sometimes it confronts us. And sometimes reading it feels like hard graft.
But keep going. You don't need to read ten chapters every morning. Start somewhere manageable and persist. Sometimes spiritual growth is obvious; other times God's quietly deepening the roots of your faith.
5. Am I Part of a Small Group Where I Can Be Honest About My Faith?
You can sit beside someone in church for years without knowing what they're struggling with. That's why housegroups, Bible studies and smaller Christian gatherings matter. We need people who know us, pray with us, encourage us and occasionally tell us we're being a bit of an plonker!
James 5:16 encourages believers to confess their sins and pray for one another. In many ways Christianity is a team sport; the christian life was never designed to be lived alone. If nobody knows what's happening in your spiritual life, who's going to notice when you're drifting?
6. Am I Actually Doing What God's Word Says?
James 1:22 tells us not merely to listen to God's Word, but to do what it says. Ouch.
We can attend church, listen to sermons and accumulate impressive biblical knowledge without allowing any of it to change us. Perhaps you need to forgive someone, apologise, become more generous or change a destructive habit. You already know what Scripture says, but you've been avoiding doing anything about it. Before asking God to reveal something new, perhaps we should start obeying what He's already shown us.
7. Am I Making Room for God?
We're all busy. Jobs, children, responsibilities, appointments and that never-ending mountain of washing. Yet somehow, many of us still find time to scroll through social media or disappear down a YouTube rabbit hole about something we weren't remotely interested in ten minutes earlier.
There's nothing wrong with entertainment. But our priorities are often revealed by where our time goes. Jesus tells us to seek first God's kingdom (Matthew 6:33). Is God genuinely a priority, or does He get whatever time remains after everything else?
8. Is There Something I Know I Need to Deal With?
Sometimes spiritual distance is connected to things we're refusing to address. Unforgiveness, pride, dishonesty, sexual sin, bitterness or habits we know are destructive. Psalm 32 describes David's misery when he concealed his sin and the freedom he experienced through confession.
Feeling distant from God doesn't automatically mean you've done something wrong. Please don't go searching for reasons to feel guilty. But if there's something specific the Holy Spirit has been challenging you about, perhaps it's time to stop making excuses. Confession isn't about convincing God to love us again. It's about coming honestly to the Father who already loves us.
9. Am I Sharing My Faith With Anyone?
When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation about Jesus with someone who doesn't know Him?
Jesus calls His followers to make disciples (Matthew 28:19–20). That's not just a job for pastors, evangelists or particularly confident Christians. It might mean inviting someone to church, answering a colleague's question, offering to pray or explaining why Jesus matters to you. Sharing our faith reminds us that Christianity isn't something we're supposed to keep entirely to ourselves.
10. Am I Expecting a Feeling Instead of Following Jesus?
Have you started measuring your relationship with God by your emotions? If worship gives you goosebumps, God's close. If prayer feels powerful, everything's wonderful. But if you don't feel anything, suddenly you're wondering whether God's disappeared.
Paul reminds us that we live by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). Following Jesus means continuing to pray, worship, trust and obey even when our emotions aren't cooperating. I actually think there's something particularly precious about devotion when we feel dry and distant but choose to love God anyway.
It's easier for my wife to show me affection when I'm being loveable. But when I'm tired, moody or sick and she chooses to love me anyway, I feel it all the more keenly. Perhaps there's something of that in our devotion to God too.
So, Has God Really Moved Away?
Imagine telling your spouse you don't feel particularly close to them, only to realise you haven't spent meaningful time together or had a proper conversation in months. At some point, you've got to consider whether you've stopped investing in the relationship.
Our relationship with God isn't exactly the same. He's perfectly faithful even when we're not. Spiritual dryness isn't always evidence of neglect. But sometimes we've simply allowed God to become an afterthought.
But there's something else we need to recognise here. Our feelings and experiences are real, but that doesn't necessarily make what they're telling us true. If you're feeling distant from God, that experience is real. The frustration, sadness, loneliness or even anger that comes with it is real too. There's no point pretending otherwise, and God certainly isn't asking you to.
But feeling distant from God doesn't mean God has actually moved further away. The truth is that God is no further from you today than He was on the day you felt His presence most powerfully. His faithfulness hasn't changed. His love hasn't diminished. His promises haven't expired. The same God who seemed so close when everything was going brilliantly is still with you when everything feels rubbish.
Sometimes we need to acknowledge the reality of what we're experiencing while reminding ourselves of the truth of who God is. Our emotions deserve to be acknowledged, but they don't always deserve to be believed.
Here's the good news. Our relationship with God isn't held together by our performance. It's held together by Jesus. Church attendance, prayer, Bible reading and serving don't earn us God's love. We're saved by grace through faith in Christ. But grace gives us every reason to pursue the relationship we've been given.
So if God feels distant, ask yourself these questions. And if you've been neglecting your relationship with Him, don't spend the next three weeks feeling guilty. Start again. Pray. Open your Bible. Gather with God's people. Take the next step of obedience.
Not to make God love you, but because, in Jesus, He already does. And that's a relationship worth investing in.