Christians love saying this. It sounds great. But there’s a fairly obvious question we don’t always answer.
What does having a relationship with God actually mean?
I have a relationship with my wife. We talk. We spend time together. She answers when I ask her a question. I can see her face and usually tell what she’s thinking.
God is different.
I can’t see him. I can’t tell you I’ve ever heard an audible voice. I can pray, “God, what should I do?” and there isn’t usually an immediate response booming through the ceiling.
Yet Christians constantly talk about “walking with God,” “hearing God,” “knowing God” and “having a personal relationship with Jesus.”
So what are we actually yapping about?
God Has Always Wanted Relationship
One of the easiest ways to see this is through something that initially sounds considerably less exciting.
Covenants. Stay with me.
Depending on how you count them, there are five or six major covenant moments running through the Bible: Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, David and finally Jesus.
You could spend hours studying the differences, but there’s one thing I want you to notice.
God keeps choosing to work with humans.
Humanity is given responsibility for creation. Noah gets a fresh start. Abraham is chosen to bring blessing to the nations. Israel is called to be God’s people. David is given a kingdom.
Different covenants, same basic pattern. God invites human beings into what he’s doing, and we make (what my dad would describe as) “an absolute dog’s dinner” of it.
Then comes Jesus.
Jesus isn’t God saying, “Right. Five attempts down. Let’s try another one.” He was always the destination.
In Jesus, God becomes human. Where Adam rebels, Jesus obeys. Where Israel breaks covenant, Jesus remains faithful. Where Israel’s kings fail, Jesus becomes the faithful King.
Humanity keeps failing our side of the partnership, so in Christ, God steps onto our side and fulfils it himself.
The New Covenant isn’t God lowering the pass mark because everyone keeps failing the exam.
Jesus passes the exam for us.
Then he invites us back into the partnership. God still wants human beings involved in what he’s doing.
Not because he needs us. Because he wants us.
So if God really wants relationship with us, what does that actually look like on a normal Tuesday?
God Has Already Said Quite A Lot
Sometimes Christians desperately want God to speak while ignoring the rather large book containing the things he’s already said.
The Bible is where God has most clearly revealed who he is. That’s why reading it matters. Not because God is sitting in heaven with a clipboard checking whether you completed today’s reading plan.
You read Scripture because relationships involve knowing someone. Over time, you learn God’s character, what matters to him and what he’s doing in the world.
That also helps you recognise his leading elsewhere.
If I suddenly have a powerful feeling that God wants me to punch my neighbour, I don’t need three prophetic words and a fleece to work out whether it was him.
Scripture gives the relationship boundaries.
Prayer Is More Normal Than We Make It
Prayer is bringing your actual life to God, not your polished Christian version of it.
Tell God you’re scared, angry, confused or grateful. Admit you’ve messed up. Ask for help. Tell him what you want. Ask him where he is when he feels a million miles away.
The Psalms are helpful because apparently nobody told the Psalmists that prayer was supposed to be polite. They complain, question, celebrate, grieve and hope, sometimes all within about twelve verses.
Prayer doesn’t always need lots of words either. Sometimes it’s sitting quietly. Sometimes it’s walking the dog and talking to God in your head. Sometimes it’s simply, “God, help me.”
That counts.
But Does God Actually Answer?
This is where the whole thing either becomes a relationship or just me talking to myself.
God doesn’t usually answer me the way my wife does, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t answer.
Sometimes the answer is already in Scripture. Sometimes something comes to mind while you’re praying. Another Christian might say something that lands with suspiciously good timing. There might be conviction, peace, a prophetic word, a picture or an impression.
And sometimes there’s nothing.
Or at least nothing you can recognise.
That’s why relationship with God requires discernment.
You can have an impression without immediately announcing that God has spoken. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I think God might be saying…” and then testing it.
Does it agree with Scripture? Does it look like Jesus? What do mature Christians around you think? Is this genuinely God’s leading, or just what you desperately want him to say?
Learning to recognise God’s leading takes time.
Relationship Means Responding
Relationship isn’t just God communicating with us. It’s us responding to him.
Sometimes we want detailed instructions while ignoring the things God has already made incredibly clear. Forgive people. Tell the truth. Be generous. Serve others. Apologise. Love your enemy.
We’re asking God for a prophetic word while he’s pointing at the Bible saying, “I already mentioned this.”
Obedience isn’t about earning God’s love. It’s responding to the God who already loves us.
You feel prompted to encourage someone, so you do. You see someone struggling, so you help. You recognise something in your life that needs to change, so you deal with it.
Suddenly relationship with God isn’t just twenty minutes with a Bible and a coffee.
You’re doing life with God.
What If I Don’t Feel Anything?
Christian language about relationship can accidentally make people feel like failures.
We say, “You just need to get closer to God.”
And someone quietly thinks, I’ve been trying.
They pray and feel like they’re talking to the ceiling. They read the Bible and nothing jumps off the page. Someone at church says God gave them a vivid picture during worship while they were mainly thinking about lunch.
Eventually they wonder if they’re doing something wrong.
Not necessarily.
A relationship with God isn’t measured by how intensely you feel his presence today.
There will be moments when God feels incredibly close. Treasure them. But there will also be Monday mornings when you feel absolutely nothing. There will be prayers that seem unanswered and decisions where you eventually have to make the wisest choice you can without receiving a flashing neon sign from heaven.
That doesn’t mean God has left.
Faith sometimes looks less like fireworks and more like getting up tomorrow and continuing to follow Jesus.
God Is In The Ordinary Stuff Too
Maybe part of our problem is that we separate life into spiritual things and normal things.
Bible reading: God. Worship: God. Prayer meeting: God. Tesco: apparently God’s day off.
But relationship with God extends into everything.
Ask him for wisdom before a difficult conversation. Thank him when something brilliant happens. Ask for patience when someone is driving you mad. Notice someone who needs encouragement and do something about it.
God is interested in your work, parenting, friendships, money, decisions, disappointments and plans.
Not every moment needs to become a supernatural treasure hunt. You’re simply learning to live increasingly aware that God is present and you belong to him.
It Was Never About Ticking Boxes
Christianity can’t be reduced to saying a prayer once or reading your Bible every morning.
Prayer matters. The Bible matters. Church matters. Obedience matters. But they’re not spiritual loyalty points we collect until God is sufficiently impressed. They’re ways we participate in a relationship God initiated.
From the beginning, God has wanted humanity involved in what he’s doing. In Jesus, he did for us what we couldn’t do for ourselves and invited us to walk with him again.
Sometimes that relationship will feel deeply spiritual. Sometimes it’ll mean praying for someone, making a difficult decision or taking a risk because you think God might be prompting you.
And sometimes you’ll read your Bible, feel absolutely nothing remarkable, close it and go to work.
That’s okay.
From Genesis to Revelation, God seems absolutely determined to live with humanity and involve us in what he’s doing.
Not because he needs us.
Because he loves us.
And perhaps that’s what Christians actually mean when we keep banging on about having a relationship with God.
Not that we spend every waking moment hearing voices from heaven, but that increasingly, in all the ordinary mess of life, we learn to live it with him.